I’m sick. Not the fun hip sick, but the nasty sweaty lightheaded sick. The one that doesn’t get invited to parties because everybody is afraid that they’re a possible school shooter, but not inviting them to the party is the exact thing that’s going to make them the school shooter on the following Monday. I didn’t do any stand-up last week and probably will not do any this week. The hiatus hurts, but I make it up with writing. Can’t wait for 2020. I feel like an egg ready to hatch. An egg of hilarity… It’s a work in progress. Much like eggs. No, I’m not high. I read somewhere… more like my eyes lazily gazed across my computer/phone screen and somehow I processed this idea, an idea that doesn’t feel entirely fabricated in my memory banks. The idea that when you’re high information gets stored which can’t get accessed when your sober. That is to say if you study for a test high, then you’d have to take the test as high as you were when you studied the material to pass it. Basically, your full potential lies within the ganj. Now here’s the pitch… I discover enlightenment, but here’s the catch. It’s only when I’m high as fuck. Which means to reach enlightenment again I have to smoke more weed. However!!!! The more I smoke the higher my tolerance inevitably becomes. Eventually the more I smoke the further enlightenment crawls away from my clammy grasp. Thus the moral of this story here is enlightenment is like getting high. Really fucking awesome, but should be spaced out by weeks or even months of reflective mental observation. With great power comes great responsibility. Spider-Man is a big inspiration in my life… I feel like the weed/enlightenment idea could be a good movie, or at the very least break even. We’d call it “The Seven Leafed Path” or “What The Buddha Smoked” with cameo appearance from Snoop Dogg and Wiz Khalifa.
Can you tell I’m sick by what I’m writing about? If not just tune in every now and then and soon you’ll know beyond a shadow of a doubt. I hate that nothing feels original. Nothing feels organic. Nothing feels fresh. Everything is made from cheaply made plastic forged from the discarded hopes and dreams of children that Hollywood and the government wire tapped for capitalism. Just for China to laugh at us in Communism while they get rich and fat on the capitalism of Hong Kong while simultaneously suppressing those people’s wish for freedom. In many ways this overarching loop of a system is like an egg. What say you, egg? *He shoots him*
Oh! And I got my paycheck, so at least there’s that… #sadbois