Damn, I need to keep on this blogging thing. I’m new at it so I’m not beating myself up as I usually do. I guess you could call that character development. I did stand-up last week. Bombed, as I should for not practicing. I know this might sound weird, but I kind of like bombing. Don’t get me wrong I hate it, and I rather get laughter and good vibes. However after bombing, I went home and started writing again. Every rider on their horse, realizes they need to spend more time with their horse, once it throws them off. Bombing is a good way to regulate my mental state on stage. I hope one day, after years of not doing so, I’ll have to bomb just to remember the sensation.
Over the weekend I spent 3 days and two nights at the Mohonk Mountain House. It was amazing, and I recommend it highly to all who have the budget to visit such an amazing place, and so close too. At least, in my perspective to my house. You know what? Fuck it! Even if you don’t have the budget. A little debt is worth, just to have this experience. To finally understand how much money you want to make to keep this lifestyle unchanged. To feel like a king! You see because of my father I always thought I was a poor man. Turns out I’m actually a middle class man, if not upper. Honestly I felt so guilty, I still feel guilty, but I felt guilty too. I shouldn’t be having this privileged experience, but then I look down at my forearm and let out a sigh of relaxing acceptance. Because everyone who can see me expects me to have this experience. And if they deem me worthy, who am I to object.
I watched The Shining, at night, during a winter storm, all while staying at an old hotel. Which was possibly built on Native American land, so you know. Couldn’t skip out on that experience! It was the first time I watched the movie. I was already spoiled that Jack freezes to death. However what I didn’t know, is that basically, only the cool black guy dies. Dick Hallorann was an amazing character, and I literally let out an audible gasp with a following “God Dammit!” when the axe hit him. Honestly, I tried to watch the movie while ignoring the music for the actors. From their experience, there is no music. So when I saw the bat scene with Wendy and Jack I couldn’t help but think from Jack’s perspective if I was him, I’d be like “Yo, I’m just fucking around cause you looking made cray cray with that bat. Honestly, I’m kind of insulted that you’d think to try to hit me with a bat in the first place. Yeah I’m acting kind of weird right now, but you know I’m just silly like that. And you really was just gonna hit me with dat bat, make me fall down these stairs, and just lock me in this storage to die alone. I didn’t even touch you or the kid yet, but after this… trust I’m bout to get the axe. And once I end yo crazy shit, I’ll explain to our son why Mommy was not only NOT a baseball player, she was also a crazy dangerous bitch! And needed to be corrected…” I’d sit him down and say “ya see son sometimes women get in a mood” As you can see my internal cutaway’s have left me a very funny, but lonely man…
I’m writing on MLK day. Listening to the speech is inspiring. Just got to the “I have a dream” part, shit is fire as fuck! I really like how I don’t feel excluded from the dream. Free at last, free at last, thank god almighty free at last! Honestly speaking, if you believe that we work off a hierarchy model or what Jordan Peterson says, then there’s always got to be people on the bottom. So, how can we all be equally free??? Seems like Utopia, which isn’t a bad thing… unless you’re into literature. #sadbois