Attempting to solidify and possibly repair our bond, I want to apologize for not posting enough. Especially if you actually enjoy my content. You deserve that much. Even though you might think you don’t. I know I don’t. All I seem to be doing on this blog is saying that I’m going to write more and then apologizing for not doing so. I want to be there for you. I want to be so many things. We are on this journey together, but neither of us can be permanently with the other. What’s the point? Since we can’t be one consciousness despite what my acid trips said, the best thing I think I can do is to make you laugh. At least think or reflect. Ever since I was little, I felt that I could see the truth just beyond the fog of everything that was trying to obscure it. Now in my mid to late young adulthood, I realize that truth was and is a lot harder to define. A little late to figure that out, but hey, I’m a late bloomer. Millenials should actually be called the late Boomers. Maybe my problem is that I want to please everybody, and my bigger problem is that I deeply believe that if I can talk to you long enough, you’ll eventually be pleased. Why is writing so difficult! Maybe this is one of those stream of consciousness posts that sounds good on paper, but really isn’t. As a child I really believed I had something to offer the the world, but that something was so large that I felt it required a stage, or at least a hefty Zoom meeting. All I knew, is that I needed an audience and a perspective. For the majority of my youth, I was focused on the perspective. Studying all sorts of subjects, just to increase the rage where I can find the funny. Presently, I’m focusing on the audience portion of the exam. If I can just stand on stage and talk with people listening I think it I’ll be happy. That’s what I told myself, until I started bombing on stage. But hey that’s part of the gig!
I really want to complain about my life, but I already know as a straight white man, you’ve probably already guessed it’s been pretty rough. Comedy is about vulnerability, but how can I be vulnerable if people see that vulnerability as an act of superiority. What a pickle. That was pretty white, I don’t know. Look, I just want to make people laugh! Maybe I’m not being honest enough. Maybe I want to impact the psyche of humanity like Isaac Newton, but with shitty jokes. I didn’t hate anybody until I was told I should hate certain people. From politics to religion all culture includes hate. If there’s an outgroup and ingroup you can almost guarantee there’s going to be hate between them. I don’t like that, but it is what it is. That feeling of it is what it is makes me want to write a joke about it. I hate that things just are. I can’t stop it, but I can talk about it. There’s so much about life thats malleable if people give you a chance to actually turn it over. Unfortunately, they have to like you. Being a straight white male makes everyone who doesn’t look like me hate me. And even then, there are people(i.e. liberals and some conservatives) who are the same as me and still hate me for it. Maybe it’s just a case of they hate me cause they ain’t me. My sister says I can’t hate everyone equally, but then again she’s never had to drive in traffic. Classic traffic joke…
I’m pissed off that both Donald Trump and Joe Exotic are more famous than me. Not just more famous, but funnier. More people laughed at those two fuckwads than anything I’ve done on stage. That’s pretty pathetic I know, mostly because I just recently started going on stage, but I just want to be the best all the time! It’s pretty white of me to say, but I think I deserve to get looked at for the things that spill out from the crossfaded acid trip that is my psyche. Maybe I didn’t get enough attention as a child. That’s a good theory, but my family says they gave me too much attention. So, maybe that explains why I just expect to be loved by others for just giving it my best shot. That’s white people in a nut shell. Just give it an A for effort, and people will love ya! One thing I keep going back to is race. I’ve been obsessed recently, I mean who isn’t now a days, but I’ve been hooked on trying to figure it out. I’ve looked into the nooks and crannies of why racism exists, why it’s evolved in us, what it’s done to humanity, and why ultimately it’s all my fault. It all started with being open to my unconcious. The darkness of the Id. Freud shit, if you got lost, or didn’t take Psych 101 in undergrad. I’m terrible, honestly way worse than hitler, mostly because of poor execution. I wouldn’t be as well thought out. I’d be stuttering, tripping over air. Maybe I’d get hit in the stomach by accident, and let out a tiny fart, that was way too noticeable for the amount of effort I put into holding it back. I hope you’d think that was funny. And if not, I called that too, booya! What I”m trying to say is it wouldn’t be hateful, but embarrassing! It’s very difficult for an disorganized person to be racist. They’d mix up the stereotypes. All of a sudden white people can jump. Now that’s just preposterous!
Comedy is about bringing darkness to light, but that being the case won’t make your joke funny. With the concept of absurdity and the rise of internet meme culture. It’s understood that you can make whatever kind of joke you want. As long as it lands and people laugh, it can be whatever you want it to be. That’s too much pressure! All those possibilities you need to consolidate to one thing. And 9 times out of 10, what you come up with won’t even be as half as good as you’d like, that is until you consistently use it enough in front of an audience. This coronavirus is almost as annoying as white people who don’t “support” hitler, but love him anyway. You’ve heard these people “I don’t think what he did was good, but he was one heck of a general”. No he wasn’t! He was shit! He honestly made some huge military blunders, he liked planes way too much, but whatever keeps you eugenicists happy. Really, if you like dogs, do you not dabble in eugenics? Denial is the first step, but I’m willing to jump over all of them with you. And yes, I used the lowercase h! That motherfucker does not deserve the respect of a capital H!
I’m really upset, because most people walk around being 100% sure of their beliefs, all while not taking a single second to actually think them through. I actually believed in Santa Claus until the 8th grade, but now I’m an atheist. The leaps and bounds you can take in life is astounding! I know we’re both guilty of this, so I’m not trying to put us on the spot. That doesn’t stop it from being the case. I dislike that when I think I figured out the world, it doesn’t just stop and give me a trophy for all my hard work. No victory party, it just keeps on spinning. It keeps going on for so long that what I thought I figured out, actually turns out to be wrong at some level. That or I’m crazy. Maybe that’s why I didn’t get the trophy.
I care a lot about humanity, and I care even more about everything that exists outside of us. Or at least outside of our conscious awareness. We are special. Yes, you and yes me. You’re special because you’re alive, and you get to make a stand against this absurdity. I’ll gladly stand with you, and tell my bad jokes as well. If you lost someone during the plague, I feel for you. Death isn’t funny. Discrimination isn’t funny. Women aren’t funny. That is until a human being decides to make it a joke. Thank you, and may all your farts smell as good as you expect them to be. #sadbois #sexismisntcoolyouguys #COVID